Thoughts

I heard a quote tonight and found it struck a chord in me . . . "Sometimes we write the things we can't say" How true that is to me you'll never know and maybe even more true is . . . sometime we write the things were afraid to say. For me anytime it's something really hard or really "scary" I write it out. I find safety and comfort in words, even if the person I wrote them for never gets to read them. I have written many letters in my life that have never been sent, and I never had the intention to send. I don't like people to know I'm weak. I put up this strong from like no one can hurt me and I'm invincible, but I cry when I'm alone. And lately I've been alone a lot. I feel like everyone around me has someone . . . and I'm all alone. When I moved to Northern California the only thing that stayed the same and kept me sane was my job. Through all the crazy changes in my life my job has remained constant and today I quit that job, I just hope like hell I didn't just make the biggest mistake of my life, that I didn't give up my one constant, my one sane part of my life. I know I have friends who love and care about me, but most of the time I just feel alone and lost. Everyone around me seems to have some plan for their life that they are working towards and getting closer to everyday. Everyone around me is moving forward and I fear I am standing still.

Wish I didn't know

Ever have someone tell you something you would rather not have known? Why do people always feel the need to confide in me and tell me their secrets and their problems? Why ask me for advice? Sometimes I'd rather not know your secrets and I'd rather not give you advice. What makes people think I'm trust worthy? Some days I just want to tell all the secrets I know to the whole world. I wish you wouldn't have told me cause your secret makes me feel sad . . . because it's her and not me. Why is it always someone else? Why can't I be the girl for once . . . prob better it's not me, cause you couldn't handle me any way . . . I've yet to find someone who can!