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The Summer in review

As summer comes to a close I figure I'd update you all on the craziness that has kept me away from the computer, complete with pictures. Summer really started with my 25th birthday. I had a Rodeo pro and cowgirl hoe party. Both my sisters and my BFF from san diego came out and we al had a drunken good time.

That is until I was stung by a wasp for the first time ever. I was stung right on my ass, not fun! But I just did a few more Jello shots and all was right in the world again.

After my birthday I headed out to Colorado for my family reunion. It was really fun to be able to hang out with my cousins and the rest of the fam. The last time I saw them was about five years ago and we have all grown up a lot since then.

After Colorado I came back home and hit up warped tour in SF. My roadie got me into the show and I had a great time. I hung out with my co-worker and then got to chill with the band for a bit after the show before heading off to my first Pride, where I danced the night away in the middle of the street surrounded by half naked people. Both were really fun!

I think one of my favorite parts of the summer was the culinary adventure crew. My friends Adam, David and I started our own little cooking adventures. We all got together once a week and made an awesome meal and dessert and watched a movie together. It was a really enjoyable experience and I was really glad to get to know the both of them better. In between all these dinner was lots of fun nights at the bars especially Hunters. I think I went to more gay bars that straight bars this summer and had the time of my life dancing the night away. There were some fun bon fire nights, plenty of games of I've never and even a few hikes and late night drives. I went to a few ball games with friends but never rooted for the home team. I think the craziest two weeks though had to be when my friend Tom came from England. Most of that two weeks was a blur so I'll just give you the high lights in the form of a list.

1. Hanging out in the Haight and buying some awesome drum and base

2. Josh and I took Tom to his first baseball game.

3. Mini Rave at my house, dancing the night away

4. Hanging out at the beach house it Watsonville

5. Playing in the ocean

6. Drinking games with a big group of people

7. Driving down to Long Beach

8. Disneyland and CA adventure

9. Concert in the park with Josh's Aunt

10. Driving to San Diego and talking about the most random things in the world.

11. Baring it up in San Diego every night.

12. The San Diego Zoo cracked out of our minds on Caffeine

13. Playing at the arcade all day and getting enough tickets for a black light

14. Being able to show two of my closest friends my hame town!

15. Driving back from San Diego listening to awesome music

16. One last party before Tom left back to england

17. Warped tour again and hanging with co-workers and my good friend who always gets me into shows!

I think that's pretty much my summer. I'm sure I missed things but those are the high lights and now I have two days left before school starts and I take a month off from drinking and partying. We'll see how that goes. I'll try to be better about blogging on a more regular basis. Hope you all had a wonderful summer as well!

I wish . . .

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.  You are so much more than what you think you are.  You are funny and smart and charming.  You deserve more than her.  If she really loved you, she wouldn't cheat.  I don't believe drinking can be an excuse for anything. There have been plenty of times when I was drunk that I did things I shouldn't, but I knew they were wrong when I did them.  She's cheated on you before, can't you see she isn't right for you?  I'm not saying I am, but you and I both know there is something between us.  I don't know why you think your and asshole, cause your not.  You are one of my favorite people.  I think you want to be an asshole cause then you wouldn't care about her, but you do and I'm so sorry she hurt you! . . . again . . . I know  you have a history, but from what you tell me it doesn't sound like a good one.  I don't know what you and I have been doing all summer, but how much can you really like her when you play with me?  I don't know what I'm doing with you, besides hurting myself, yet I can't stop liking you.  But if you really want to be with her, tell me so and I'll let you guys be.  We can still hang out, but I won't be flirty as hard as that will be for me, I just want you to be happy.  I don't know how I get myself into these messes but they just seem to find me . . .

I don't understand . . .

I feel so lost . . . so alone. I feel as though no one really understands. How could they, I don't even understand. I feel like the walls are falling down around me. There is so much I want, goals, a future and I just can't seem to get there. So many things seems to stand in my way. I realize working for something is the best way, and I'm no stranger to hard work but it's not a hill I'm trying to climb, it's not even a mountain. I'm trying to get up a straight glass wall that has no grips or hand holes. I feel like no matter how hard I try at anything, I get nowhere. And besides that people around me keep disappointing me. I try to put my faith in people, but every time I do, they disappoint me. I don't want to not trust people, but mankind makes it hard. Perhaps I should go back to my jaded self that expects the worst in people and that way I'm not disappointed. I also seem to get way to emotional over the little things in life. Small disappointments become something so much more. I try not to make mountains out of mole hills, but things just seem to hit really hard lately. I feel like I need to get out of this town, out of this city, clear my head. I want to escape.

The Summer in Reveiw

I think this had to go on record as one of my best summers ever! It all started with Core. I got a new job and started the last week of May . . . and that is when the craziness really began. I went down to San Diego for my birthday where I rented and beach house with some friends for a week and just lounged about. That was amazing . . . waking up everyday and just hitting the beach, that's the life. I also go to see and bunch of old high school buddies, including my first kiss. Let's just say there was still a spark and leave it at that. A bunch of us went out to a Bar for my 24th Birthday, where my sister kept finding people for me to take birthday shots with. All in all my trip to San Diego was pretty chill, but really awesome. When I got back to San Jose it was back to work at my amazing new job. I can't express enough how awesome the people that I worked with this summer were. On July 4th the real party started with the return of a good friend to the states. A huge party was thrown for his home coming and the summer drinking really began there. The next big event was work related and made for a crazy busy, but fun summer. I think the biggest event this summer was having the brits come to visit. There whole two weeks here was a nonstop party. I still think my two favoite days are the night of drinking at the beach on the life guard towere and the beach house day with breakfast, boogie boarding, brownies, movies and a butt ton of Chineese food. Although the candel light party was pretty awesome as well. Those boys are a huge part of why this was the best summer ever. I'd party till 4 in the morning and be up are ready for work at 7. I think I was altered everyday from July 4th till the last day of summer. After the brits left it was back to the crazyness that was work. This inclued long days, lots of flirting and many a late night. There sure were a lot of cute boys this summer. I also met new friends through friends and patied it up with them. I think the summer came to an awesome close with one last crazy adventure. Me and my two best boys took a mini roadtrip to go hiking . . . we ended up no where near the origial destination, but it was perfect. We had lost of fun and took many a photo. As if that wasn't enough we headed down to SF's Haight district that night and picked up a fe new toys. It made for and awesome last day of summer . . . followed by a party at my place the next night to offically say farewell to summer. For all the people who helped make this summer amazing thanks a million. To all the new friends made this summer, you will not soon be forgoten and I know our lives with cross paths again some day. This is no where near a full account of the summer cause that would take far to long but this is the highlights thans for making it awesome!

Thoughts

I heard a quote tonight and found it struck a chord in me . . . "Sometimes we write the things we can't say" How true that is to me you'll never know and maybe even more true is . . . sometime we write the things were afraid to say. For me anytime it's something really hard or really "scary" I write it out. I find safety and comfort in words, even if the person I wrote them for never gets to read them. I have written many letters in my life that have never been sent, and I never had the intention to send. I don't like people to know I'm weak. I put up this strong from like no one can hurt me and I'm invincible, but I cry when I'm alone. And lately I've been alone a lot. I feel like everyone around me has someone . . . and I'm all alone. When I moved to Northern California the only thing that stayed the same and kept me sane was my job. Through all the crazy changes in my life my job has remained constant and today I quit that job, I just hope like hell I didn't just make the biggest mistake of my life, that I didn't give up my one constant, my one sane part of my life. I know I have friends who love and care about me, but most of the time I just feel alone and lost. Everyone around me seems to have some plan for their life that they are working towards and getting closer to everyday. Everyone around me is moving forward and I fear I am standing still.

Wish I didn't know

Ever have someone tell you something you would rather not have known? Why do people always feel the need to confide in me and tell me their secrets and their problems? Why ask me for advice? Sometimes I'd rather not know your secrets and I'd rather not give you advice. What makes people think I'm trust worthy? Some days I just want to tell all the secrets I know to the whole world. I wish you wouldn't have told me cause your secret makes me feel sad . . . because it's her and not me. Why is it always someone else? Why can't I be the girl for once . . . prob better it's not me, cause you couldn't handle me any way . . . I've yet to find someone who can!